Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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