trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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