woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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