She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
