also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
