in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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