Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
