Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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