I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
