Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
