D3 body, D1 cock
no, he came in my armpit
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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