Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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