Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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