sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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