What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
