Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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