I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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