he puts the penis in happiness.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
