If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
