Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
