Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't deserve a penis
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
