And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His hands were made for my vagina.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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