Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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