Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
