There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
