So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
