you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
