Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
