she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I looked at my own cervix.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
