i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
