Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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