Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
