sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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