who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
