She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
