dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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