dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
