I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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