My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
