that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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