did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
