I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
