Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
