try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
