it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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