You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
