can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
