dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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