also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
