I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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