I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
