When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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